Managing Expectations

I may be frugal, but that doesn’t mean I DISLIKE expensive things.

In fact, I tend to gravitate towards pricy clothes, shoes, food, furniture etc. It takes a tremendous amount of self-discipline for me to NOT spend copious amounts of cash. Do I deserve a medal for that? No, but I’ll gladly take one if you’re offering.

So, why am I sharing this? It’s because we still don’t have a venue, and it’s partly (mostly?) because of my uncompromising vision, and uncompromising budget. If it were up to Peter we would elope. I’m the one that wants the wedding.

So! I’m left with two options:

A) Expand our budget

B) Manage my expectations

I think I’ll go with Option B, but it’s haaaaaaaaaard.

Do we cut down the guest list? Well, no. I want all of those people there. Do we have appetizers in lieu of a sit down dinner? How about a food truck? Is that marginally cheaper? Do we hold the wedding at the Scarborough Bluffs harbour? It’s cheap, but it’s reaaaallly out of the way. Do we say to hell with a venue and have the entire thing in my parent’s backyard? Will their backyard even fit 126 people? What about washrooms? People need to use the washroom!

Clearly, a lot is going on in my head, but the venues don’t make it any easier. From preferred cater lists, to charging a premium price for alcohol, to heritage taxes, the cost really, really, really adds up. Turns out financing a wedding and buying real estate are two ways a Torontonians can go bankrupt.  

I was recently in Halifax for work, and was catching up with an old colleague at our wrap party (I work in television). “I heard you’re married now.” He commented.

“Engaged.” I corrected him.

“Same thing. Do yourself a favour and don’t spend a lot of cash on an expensive wedding. But don’t listen to me, that’s just my opinion.”

Opinions. There is no shortage of those when planning a wedding. But I need to listen to the ones that matters the most – the people getting married. Two months ago I was determined not to spend lots of money on our wedding. Let’s get creative, Vanessa. You can do this. 

How to Choose your Maid of Honor

“If I can offer you one piece of advice when it comes to choosing your wedding party, your maid of honour should be childless and already married.”

Words of wisdom from my cousin. Her reasoning? Planning a wedding is a really big job that requires time, effort, creativity and time. Did I mention time? I did? Sorry.

You know what else is a big job that requires lots of time, effort, and creativity? Being a parent. And unlike planning a wedding, there’s no giant party at the end of it because it NEVER ENDS. Instead, you just end up with snot/vomit/other excretions on your clothes and a lax idea of personal hygiene.

And as for the whole maid of honour should be already married thing? As I mentioned earlier, the planning process is a daunting task. It’s kinda nice to have someone that’s already gone through it guiding you along.

So! Did I take that advice? Kinda!

My maid of honour is my sister, Kayla. She’s the second oldest (I have another sister, Camille. She will also be a bridesmaid). Kayla may not be married, but she doesn’t have any children. She also was an early Pinterest adopter, loves crafts and has a keen attention to detail. Basically, she’s a perfect ally for a DIY wedding.

Is this the proper way to hold a baby? Also, I don't know why this photo is squished. Internet, please help! One more also -- this is me and my sister. 

Speaking of Pinterest, if you log on and do a quick search for the word bridesmaid, you'll realize  that asking someone to join your wedding party has become a thing. A stunt. An event. There are a lot of cute (and expensive) ways to do this, but my personal fave was throwing a Ring Pop in a jewellery box with a note that said, “I said yes! Now will you? Please be my bridesmaid!” 

So! Was I going to indulge in this new tradition that I just found out about? Sure! Why not? I’m asking my wedding party to donate their time and energy; the least I can do is butter them up with some sugar. Plus, I could just copy that winning Ring Pop idea, and they would be none the wiser. 

With a winning attitude in one hand and a stolen internet idea in the other, I set out to create cute packages for my soon to be bridesmaids. It turns out finding affordable, adorable boxes is a difficult task when you live on the Danforth. In the interest of time, I decided to cut the Ring Pop bit and throw a bunch of Bulk Barn treats into a Chinese Takeout Container. The message read, “It sure would be sweet if you joined my wedding party!”. It was the B version of the Ring Pop idea, but the sentiment was there.

Luckily, all three of my bridesmaids said yes. Who is the mysterious third? My good friend, Carly. Now that the executive team has been put together, I’m excited to put them to work. We’ve got a busy few months ahead of us. 

*The cost of the boxes and candy were not deducted from our wedding budget. Instead, I took the money out of my weekly spending allowance. 

** If your maid of honor IS married, she's actually your matron of honor. THANKS INTERNET! Now, will you help me fix that squished photo?